EVEN THE INTERNET IS NOT MY FRIEND

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“You have been programmed for it” that is the statement I can remember my grandmother saying the day I first complained to her about my size. I was only 10 and I know she said that good-naturedly. I can’t even blame her because in most respect she spoke the truth. I am fourth generation to an African family of over sized queens and proud of it. The queen bit, anyway. By the time I turned 18, I was known in my community as Pumpkin.

Being overweight wasn’t so bad; the thing is I couldn’t seem to make any friends. Maybe I was too reserved or just unfriendly; whatever the reason I was alone in my life up till about 22. Anyway, I am still no miss social but now among the sprinkling of friends I have, I’ve got my laptop. She is the pathway to meet my best friend, the internet.

The web has for many years been my companion and confidant, she provides entertainment, fun and education all in one beautiful, anonymous package and then she went ahead to betray me, in the worst way possible.

This may seem irrational but I have always depended on the internet not just for entertainment but also as a potential source of livelihood. Participating in creative writing contests, surveys and anything that can basically give me food for a day. The internet and I had this understanding, I bring content to her, and she rewards me. It was a fantastic relation and then she stopped, all in one day.
I got up that morning feeling excited, I had had a great idea for a poem I was writing to a newspaper I freelanced in and figured it will be my break through moment, wrote a ton of proposals for remote writing work online. I had a great feeling I was at the precipice of my path to fame, the next J.k Rowlings.

Then my best friend started the joke that ruined my day and confidence. First of all I got a call from the newspaper that I was being laid off, they couldn’t afford my fees again. That was okay, I thought, I could get small writing gigs online.  The first mail came in at 2pm, starting with ‘WE REGRET TO INFORM YOU….” Followed by “IT WAS A GREAT WRITEUP BUT…,” and went downhill from there. 

 The final straw was when I got a reply through an online freelance blog saying “PLEASE JUST GET ME ANOTHER FREELANCER” I felt low, inadequate and incompetent. Not from the responses though they were disheartening, but I had expected more from my friend. It was then I realized, I had to work way harder for a place in this world because even the internet isn’t my friend.





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