HAPPINESS IN CHARADE (the art of deceit among African women): Episode 1

I think the phrase “if you want to be happy, always be yourself” is so highly overrated.

As far back as Eve in her first sin of deceit to Adam, or Delilah with her seduction game to Samson, or the more notorious historical figure of Elizabeth Bathory “the blood countess”. She who claimed to need the blood of innocent girls to stay young, or we can speak on the more modern day Victoria Beckham who kept insisting she has natural boobs to her fans for so long. Let us come home to Africa and put into limelight all those young women who have made the decision to glean happiness from their dreary day to day lives.

 Well the above examples could be better considering how most of them met their end, but in their favor they were absolutely certain of the gain at the moments of those monstrous deceits and were happy in the decisions. Women are the kings of charade. Over the centuries, they have mastered the fine art of masquerade to perfection. This could be seen with African mothers teaching their girl children to bear all marital abuse in the hands of their husbands with a smile, to society placing a particular pedestal which women are allowed to function on only. So grooming has made them take happiness from the most unlikely of places.

These women were all in one form of charade or another, to themselves or to other people. I am thinking that women (and that is using it loosely) derive some sort of perverted contentment when there are in mirrors of deception. Yep I said it!!

By the way, let me just ask, who in this entire earth is always themselves all the time? No one if you ask me. Before I go ahead, let me introduce myself, I am Sirrithough everyone calls me Ri and the moments when I am some else are the happiest in my life.

Women more often than not engage themselves in various forms of deceit daily. Let me group these women into three teams (according to the law of RI)

• “Women for all”: These are women who are people pleasers and they stick to deceit for the benefit of others (usually their man). So their main purpose for charade is to please others, and from there they obtain fulfillment

• “Women for none”: sadists is another way to call them. Their web of lies has the sole purpose to hurt others. They gain satisfaction in forming obscure realities to belittle others. 

• “Women for themselves”: These are the worst of the lot. They create an absent reality of themselves and never accept to move out of that universe. It could be potentially destructive to them or others for that matter. But they truly believe the lies they tell themselves about themselves. Confusing isn’t it?

Let me start off with me, I fall within the first category (there’s a big maybe there). According to my sister “you always try to make everyone around you happy, till you’re dying. These actions will surely kill you” her words not mine. 

My friends on the other hand are just grateful I’m willing to do stuffs for them even at my most inconvenient of times. Then there is my boss, well let me just say, she thinks my character is an opportunity for her to exploit me as much as she possibly could. The fact is I let her and the beauty for me is that I know I am letting her.

These group of women “women for all” have a dangerous fallback. Usually we (they) do not know our limits. We often discover it when it’s too late. I will recount you’re the story of my aunt, Agatha. A more hardworking lady you’ve yet to see. Very well-mannered and always available to help. She had one thread that bound her though, bounded her tighter than a sailors knot, her husband. Very suicidal and a drunk. During his drunken rages, he abused Agatha in every way you can think possible. When he is sober and in public, he is okay and dedicates himself to showing her he cares by praising her in front of his friends. She lived for those little inefficient praises he will occasionally render. 

Her neighbors knew she had a perfect home and she liked it that way. She was contented with the façade she portrayed to the entire community. She took pleasure from proving to herself that she could hold her family together and always played the obedient wife to her husband no matter what. She found pleasure from knowing that for those few sane moments she could make her husband proud. In my community a divorced lady is something of a disgrace and so she had to fine contentment in meeting up to society needs.

This later on caused Aunt Agatha her soul. In a heated quarrel and by some twisted trick of fate, she mistakenly killed her husband. It was the most bizarre thing ever. Her husband came home drunk and immediately picked up an argument. It extended to the point where Joseph took a kitchen knife and threatened her with. While attempting to hold off the knife, they both tripped, with her falling hard first. Seconds after Joseph followed and with the knife pushing between them. It stabbed him through the heart and he died immediately. I tell you Aunt Agatha has never been the same again. She was convicted for murder but later released on charges of involuntary manslaughter. 

According to her she had done her duty as a wife, worked for her husband and her community, and been a good neighbor. Aunt Agatha has become so withdrawn, and the only time she seems alive is when she is with her children. Cameroon being Cameroon, they really is no credential avenue for her to get proper help. If not for her children, I think she would have given up from the crashing experience.

The point here is that for that short while there, Aunt Agatha was contented playing the perfect wife to her husband and the society. She masqueraded her sorrow by acts of duty and in that she found joy. I actually believe to an extent she was happy in this charade (if only as face value).

A professional might say I’m wrong in my conclusions, but these are just observations. Maybe in the next series I will bring in a professional angle. 

Society shows us time and time again of women who will do anything, just so those around her could give a good report about them. They actually derive pleasure from those little words of praise when deep down they rather not have been the way they are. Sounds contradictory I know, but let me quote you from Oscar WILDE, ‘A woman will flirt with anybody in the world as long as other people are looking on’. 

So I’m just saying, women do find happiness in charade. Dear readers I will bring more of the observations in the upcoming episode, until next time for more on our beautiful liars.